for jengyee's parents ... no telling when i would have sat down ...

... i had the honor of being part of the memorial service for my friend jengyee. the service was this afternoon. as part of that event, in addition to volunteering to bring boxes of kleenex, pens, an artist's clipboard, name tags (oops! forgot those), and a microphone stand, i offered to share some thoughts.

originally planned to be in the "first part" of the memorial service, i had started drafting a bit of a eulogy that i'd hoped would express (and impress) the sense of my friendship with jengyee - mentor/mentee turned girlfriend buddies. ultimately, it made a bit more sense to be part of the "second part" of the memorial service where there was an open mic for those attending to share their memories of jengyee with each other.

the one special memory shared between me and jengyee is the genesis of her book, hello real world. and for this, i chose to share with others at the memorial.

"no telling when i would have sat down ..."

thank you for this opportunity to share with you the slice of life i experienced with jengyee. my name is shirlsd. jengyee and i met through the Student Alumni Mentorship Program (SAMP) at U.C. Berkeley. as an alumna, i wittingly knew that, when jengyee chose me, i would have a captive audience for my college and career experience musings. although our college majors differed - she in IEOR and me in ChemE, we expressed a similar passion about environmental issues. after several random talks about environmental-related careers, roommates, places to hang out in berkeley, and dance places in san francisco (which was scary to find out that the same places still existed after 20 years!), our mentor-mentee talks quickly evolved into heartfelt conversations about enjoying life and making a difference in the world. it was during one conversation that jengyee became my mentor - she inspired me to develop a more formal and thoughtful summer internship program for my consulting practice.

the slice of life i feel honored to share with you is about my experience with the evolution of “hello real world” – jengyee’s book. after spending a little time talking with mr. liang last night, i decided to share something a little different than what i had originally planned to share, with the hopes that this slice brings to life one of the many facets of jengyee.

the following is the sentiment she wrote in this very book …

“shirlsd, wow! what a journey!! thanks for being the impetus behind this book. no telling when i would have sat down to document my experiences without your initial suggestion and continued support. may this book bring you many amazing internship moments. jengyee liang. 2.28.06.”

a little bit about my journey with jengyee – regarding her book, amazing internship moments. and my personal transformation from the words ... “no telling when i would have sat down … ”.

being able to put my finger specifically on the moment
12-27-2004. 3:38 pm
this is the date and time when jengyee started writing about her internship experiences. she and i were talking on the phone over her christmas holiday break to catch-up on life – school, business, interns, social life, music, boys, family – the normal stuff. by this time, our cal student-mentor tenure had already ended, and yet we chose to stay in touch. and in fact, i don't know if it was a choice so much as it just was what it felt it needed to be.

she was expressing some frustration over hoping to have a productive internship experience. long story short, i encouraged her to simply journal. write thoughts down – good, bad, happy, sad, indifferent, doodle – whatever just seemed to automatically flow … then call me or send something over in a couple days or so. in fact, i did the same thing – as a business owner who wanted to make sure that any internship experience i offered would be at least somewhat fulfilling as jengyee would hope to have for any students' experiences. me? i came up with 1 page. jengyee - more than 5 pages, single-spaced. little did we know that what started as a cathartic moment between two girlfriends ultimately would result in her book, “hello real world”.

jengyee and i continued to exchange ideas. and while doing so, jengyee asked if one of my interns, margaret, would read the beginnings of jengyee’s internship guide, which is how it originally was starting out – not quite a book, yet.

fast forward nearly 10 months later
september of 2005
margaret shared with jengyee her perspectives and comments. and as i’m sure you all know, jengyee was very thankful and took to heart and mind much of what margaret offered. and as with margaret’s input, jengyee continued seeking input not only from margaret but also from other friends, mentors, and colleagues. (just as was mentioned earlier by jesse about his friend, tom). suffice to say, jengyee not only continued to refine her writing, she decided she would see about formally publishing a book.

3 months later
December 2005
jengyee asked me to write the foreword. i’ll refrain from reading it here for now and will simply say that i was simply honored to do so.

finally, for one of my "no telling when i would have sat down ..." moments
the next month
january 2006
i started a blog - at the encouragement of jengyee … chronicling the experience of one of my interns - affectionately known as "reality: intern". in fact, it was an intern whom jesse introduced to me.

i’ll stop at this point – so you know that the matter of fact manner of which i’m describing my friendship with jengyee clearly was more than tasks, dates, times, telephone calls, e-mails, etc. my friendship, and i’m sure as with your friendship and memories of her, have been about sharing life’s moments and evolving from even the simplest of statements -

“no telling when i would have sat down … ” moments.

it is this sentiment that i often carry and share when faced with life's occasional curve balls and many competing interests.

then i remember and remind myself - take the opportunity to occasionally sit down a bit, take deep breaths ... and do so especially with the encouragement of a friend -

“no telling when i would have sat down … ”

thank you for letting me share this sentiment with you, again, and with that, i'm sure we all look forward to others' memories of jengyee. and thank you to mr. liang and mrs. liang for letting us have this opportunity.

if you have chosen to read through this whole post, thank you very much for doing so. it means very much to me.

hmmm ... published?

well, jengyee's memorial service is coming up this weekend, and the obituary i pulled together with information from friends and family has been published a few places ... thanks to the amazing tenacity of igor to distribute it!

• berkeley daily planet
• berkeley student cooperative

will update list as published elsewhere. now i'm working on the memorial service talk. (sigh)

pondering: what say you?

it has been a little bumpy ... good and not so good - over the past week, let alone the past couple of months. just this past week, thoughts swirling (repeatedly) in my head ... health of friends and family (and myself), work within the context of my passion about the environment and connecting people, evolving friendship/relationship with a man, excitement of reconnecting with friends from 20+ years ago, excitement of connecting with friends, financial outlook, and the small surprises and reminders that, perhaps, reconnecting with spirit allows life to be a more fulfilled life.

my daily reminder ... is my dear friend iris, who continues to grace people with her love. my thoughts of her are posted here. and when iris tells me of the surprises she has in her life - people donating unconditionally to her efforts for medical treatment, opportunities to sing for various congregations and non-profit organizations, a simple gesture of help from a salesperson - i am quickly reminded about life's possibilities.

writing calms and energizes my spirit and soul ... the kind of writing that helps me process life around me - the life that i know we create for our self. i don't write much. i dabble. and when a writing bug hits me - as it did two nights ago - i believe that i am being reminded of something ... what that something is? not as important as just acknowledging the little nudge.

two years ago, i wrote a story called my foreigner. and i acknowledge the experience i shared in my foreigner as an inspiration or motivation (or both) to write (again after several years of not writing). just two nights ago, i wrote a "letter" to myself (perhaps to my spirit and soul or - for my spirit and soul) - let me believe. and with this letter, i feel compelled to learn more about expression through writing.

what say you?

mash-up 1: MONIKERING pre-next installment

the practice-preview run preceding this post is over here. before the next installment of moniker-counseling for a girlfriend, i decided to revisit the monikers i've given (somewhat haphazardly and pre-made-up rules) to the half-dozen clips of landfill boys and do a little self-qa/qc ...

the beginning of the 1/2-dozens started over here ... a bit inspired by iceman who sayeth -

"Then again, if you spend your whole day
walking through a landfill all the time,
you might come to the conclusion
that the planet stinks."

- and well ... i had committed not to trudge through a landfill (no matter what hairy palms tells me about dealing with the sahara desert), so i decided to do some dating (and almost dating) nostalgia. anyway, back to the self-qa/qc of the monikers, and perhaps i'll remoniker a few of them.

made-up RULE #1 ...

CHOOSE A MONIKER THAT IS NOT OBVIOUS
while one that also is
PERSONALLY (for you) DESCRIPTIVE.

are the monikers ... discreet - general - descriptive - personal?

1. skateboard dude ... i'll say 2/4.
   general & personal, but not necessarily descriptive and discreet. if i referred to him as skateboard dude among the balance of friends, his identity would be too obvious - discreet would be out the door! the back-story is ... yawn! so this fellow would be better off with a different moniker.
   
   
2. meow-meow ... this is a 4/4 - all the great markers of a good moniker.
   the best part of this is i can speak of meow-meow whenever and wherever. i have friends who have their own meow-meows. great back-story(ies) - did i mention that meow-meow inadvertently found himself dating a shemale? and personal? well, i cheated a bit; i didn't quite come up with the name. i told a petula story about meow-meow to a friend & she immediately grabbed onto meow-meow - as did i. as did i.
   
   
3. purple-pleated-pants ... my oh my, another 2/4.
   general & descriptive, but not so much discreet and personal. when referring to how someone dresses, discreet kinda goes out the door (circa 70s/80s). it's like saying "members only jacket" dude or "puma" shoe wearing guy. likely, such a moniker is more telling than discreet. usually, when monikering based on some identifiable clothing choice, others will certainly be able to figure out whom your talking about.
   
   however, using p3 ...? this makes it a 3/4.
   there is a great back-story to p3, and the issue of discreet is resolved. p3 is a good moniker, however the p3 moniker is a bit of a short-cut to meeting the "personal" characteristic. simply put, it's more of a personal code or something. going acronym or abbreviation is o.k. for monikering, but the acronum/abbrev should be used only you are pressed for time.
   
   
4. 976-boy ... clearly a 4/4.
   great back-story for descriptive. awesomely discreet. quite personal. and certainly general. ANYONE can use this moniker. anyone! (this fellow also could have been moniker'd coconut-shrimp-boy, but 976-boy has a much better back-story than the coconut-shrimp-boy back-story (.. for which i no longer own the cookware he left).
   
   
5. wb#2 ... this really only gets a 1/4.
   here is where wb#2 was first moniker'd - over here. within the context of the back-story, it's personal. HOWEVER, discreet and descriptive? no. general? TOO general. unfortunately, a more obvious moniker would be asian p***y boy, however, this breaks the second made-up rule ...
   
   made-up RULE #2 ...
   A MONIKER SHALL **NOT** BE
   MISOGYNISTIC, RACIST, OR GENITALIA-ISH.
   (it's just uncool.)
   
   
6. big meat ... this gets a 2/4, even though it's a 4/4 candidate.
   descriptive, yes but not necessarily for the right reasons. not so discreet. general, yes but again - perhaps not necessarily for the right reasons. and finally personal? eh - not so much. similar to meow-meow, big meat was a nickname that my friend todd chose. unlike meow-meow, it just doesn't have that same personal touch (so to speak).
   

so to recap - the primo monikers from this batch are meow-meow & 976-boy. the sitting-in-the-corner-with-dunce-cap-on moniker from this batch include wb#2. all others are sitting in the middle of the pack.

you have different opinions or other ideas?
bring 'em on!

mash-up 1: MONIKERING practice-preview run

time to start writing/story-telling stuff. just stuff ... so thinking this through and passing some ideas by gadgetman over breakfast yester-morn, as well as the lunch chat on friday with hairy palms, this initial effort is a result of a mash-up of the following:

• a bit of a nutty, mid-40s single gal dating (errr ... a bit lean on the dating, actually - but working on it. a l'il help friends & family!!!) who is a scanner (over here) and jumps from one idea to another while tying up loose ends
  
• a talker that should/could write as much as she talks (or yaps) (as evidenced by "dude's response" over here toward bottom of post) and doesn't seem to come up for air too often (... that didn't sound right?)
  
• a penchant for l'il monikers (in order to avoid claims of mudslinging & slander but enough of a disguise for the occasional gossip) (see later in this blog post)
  
• a bit of nostalgia on the iceman-e/m-exchange day(ze) and more recent visits of breakfast with gadgetman and sushi with hairy palms
  
• stepping up to jengyee's b-day '07 sentiment (and a cutesy book) that i should write about dating stuff

this post is the initial practice-preview run of mash-up 1 ... the simple act of giving nicknames or monikers to those fellows (or gals) you are dating (or wanna date) - or maybe just monikers for friends (but let's focus on the dating theme - it's easier & entertaining, at least for me). i suggest there is a better way and a not-so-much way (... and for those who need more precision - a correct way and an incorrect way) for monikers. to that, i will speak of moniker-ing boys ('cuz we likes the boys!).

the genesis & 2004 monikering ... the following is what i believe may be the (my) genesis of monikering (back in the college days) and an actual documented monikering-moment.

my moniker-bestowing days started no later than when i was a freshman in college ... "mr. dwinelle"* was the moniker for this guy that walked down from the top of campus toward the building named . . . named . . . you guessed it . . . DWINELLE! i was in my freshman year, i had him in my chemistry class (with at least 300 other co-eds), and i just thought he was a cutie but had no idea who he (or his friends) was. i forced my guy friends to sit with me and watch mr. dwinelle come from wherever he was coming from. (well, forced isn't accurate. i got stuck hanging out on the benches with my guy buddies in front of dwinelle while their hormones raged & they stared at gals - and some stared at guys. so i had to pass my time somehow.)

what makes mr. dwinelle a good moniker? ... it's personal to me (and the 5 other gal pals of mine at the time), and it's NOT OBVIOUS!

moniker-naming made-up
RULE #1 ...

CHOOSE A MONIKER THAT IS NOT OBVIOUS
while one that also is
PERSONALLY (for you) DESCRIPTIVE.

the moniker should be somewhat discreet yet general ... descriptive yet personal ... this way, you (and someone else) can actually use the moniker.

• discreet ... WHEN YOU USE IT, you can do so when you are actually talking with or nearby the moniker'd person or his friends.
  
• general ... when someone else uses the same moniker for his/her purposes - for the same person or for his/her own purpose (another person), it's O.K.; NO TRADEMARK needed.
  
• descriptive ... a good moniker has an interesting back-story; that's the descriptive part - the back-story. it's all about the BACK-STORY! this way, you also can avoid mixing up your moniker'd boys.
  
• personal ... YOU picked it. don't let your buds derail you. if i did, i'd have ended up calling him tight pants, pencil moustache, or flat butt. tight pants & flat butt? geez! i'm sure i'd get my tight pants & flat butt boys mixed up. pencil moustache? obvious problem. what if he shaved it off? i'd have to call him unpencil moustache or pencil unmoustache? both monikers - boo.
  

needless to say, there was more than one cute boy walking toward dwinelle while my friends and i were obviously checking out the flock. HOWEVER, turns out, other than my chemistry class, that smidge of the dwinelle siting was THE ONLY OTHER PLACE i would see mr. dwinelle. (and again, tight pants, pencil moustache, and flat butt were no go names!).

fast-forward to my this decade l'il penchant for monikering ... it started when barista boy (now hairy palms) asked me how my SD dating was going many years ago. i memorialized the monikering in a november 2004 e-mail to (now) hairy palms in my "IJAM" tale. the monikers for IJAM dates OVER HERE. (excerpt reposted below)

(shameless self-promotion ... IJAM fiction short story over here)

and to be fair ... i even thought through monikers - or at least what they might tell their friends - each would have given to me - as if i was looking through their eyes (while they snuck peeks at their watch or nearby exits). their possible monikers for me? at the END of each - noted in "(moi? ... (pink-text))" (or read the original, somewhat confusing post over here.)

(REPOST)
source/excerpt: an e-mail (edited to maintain some anonymity & added comments) i sent on 11/21/04 to my friend the barista boy. below ... the monikers for each IJAM guy i met.

1. ARTIST: prior to becoming an "artist," ARTIST had worked at the same company for which my previous employers (let's call them THOSE GUYS) also had worked; THOSE GUYS quit that company and THOSE GUYS started their own firm. i had just (12-days prior to meeting the ARTIST) voluntarily left a position with THOSE GUYS. what a small-frakkin world. (moi? ... random conversation generator)


2. TEETHPICKER: had a really cool job. was sooooo not the height (read: shorter) they told me he would be; not that it mattered but for the fact i wore my oh-so-adorable-yet-painful kenneth cole make-me-taller shoes that were totally-painful-after-20-minutes. either the food make me sick, or the teethpicking made me sick. i excused myself from the table before the end of the meal and threw up. really.
   
   (i told the IJAM that bad hygiene was a deal-breaker, so put that in the database.) (moi? ... didn't finish her food)


3. DENTIST: (good one, IJAM; clever.). intelligent. good sarcasm. direct. had similar likes for activities. met again for dinner at the restaurant at which my friend todd worked. had to make sure DENTIST was gay-friendly. last i saw of or spoke with DENTIST. (moi? ... faghag)


4. BOURGEOIS: his favorite word, too often used, to describe his feeling about SD downtown, gaslamp district, urban setting, and people who go there. i go there. i guess i am bourgeois. and he is a pompous a**.
   
   (i was catching on ... IJAM did not check the database where i specifically noted ... i like to hang out in the hillcrest area of SD (read: gay area), little italy here or there, and downtown.) (moi? ... rice talk)


5. TMI GARDEN GNOME: western religious fellow gone eastern-ish spirituality. east coast fellow who moved to the west coast. penn state learned who learned later at san diego state. wayne dyer devotee. told me he was abused as a child. 1-step forward for honesty, i suppose. 5-steps backward for conversation topic.
   
   (just in case you don't know TMI. oh ... and once again, IJAM didn't do the math correctly. i wore my kenneth cole shoes again. yeah ... i towered. AND AT THIS POINT ... MY FIRST BREAKING POINT - i rattled off my polite rating of 'unsatisfactory' service - met with some chick at IJAM to let her know how sooooo off they have been and blah-blah-blah-blah) (moi? ... she is taller than i thought she'd be)
   
   
6. SWEET GUY: nice. great conversation. pleasant. walked me to my car in the cavernous fruits & veggie parking lot of horton plaza. gave me a peck on the cheek. met again for dessert (because he said he liked desserts!) ... & listened to him bemoan the prices of the dessert. (we were going dutch, even!) not a deal-breaker, but who bemoans the price of anything that is freshly-made and has CHOCOLATE!?
   
   (SIDE BAR: SWEET GUY gave me his e-Mail. i wrote him a 'thank you' e-Mail after the fab dessert place and let him know i totally looked forward to meeting up again. i got a call from him, while he was on a train to LA for work-stuff, which went something like, "i'd appreciate it if you would either be more vague in your e-Mails or call me. my secretary reads my e-Mail when i am out of the office. i don't bring my computer with me when i am out of the office." ... i was tempted to call him and ask him to check his e-Mail for my response, but i decided simply to call him - and in so many words said - i was not interested.) (moi? ... pricey date)
   
   
7. I-DONTMIN-TO-BRRRRAAAHHHG-BUT...: (translated ... i don't mean to brag, but) then don't.
   
   (SIDE BAR: possibly another miscommunication or database glitch or just sh***y service. i-dontmin-to-brrrraaahhhg-but... didn't like to watch movies. i love watching movies. AND THIS WOULD BE MY SECOND BREAK POINT with them. a small rant & rave over the phone...) (moi? ... filipina engineer)
   
   
8. DOT COM GUY (aka RINGER): tall. cute. universally cute. good conversation. lamented about similar IJAM experiences. extended our time spent talking with him because it was totally fun. I believe he was THE RINGER to appease me because I bitched at IJAM after i-dontmin-to-brrr... . haven't talked since. didn't expect to do so. we were each other's moment of therapy, i believe. did i mention he was cute. i was pacified.
   
   (SIDE BAR: IJAM told me he "rents" and that he works as a "computer-type" guy. i thought "so what about renting and computers?" i rent and think the world of my landlord. turns out, DOT COM GUY doesn't work. he's unemployed. he cashed out. he's totally set. he travels. an he owns several properties - which he rents.) (moi? ... jaded kindred spirit)


9. SALESGUY: cute. decent conversation. a little conservative and not a deal breaker. sort of defined by his status in corporate america. (eh?) i was interested in meeting up again. he didn't call back. (moi? ... another (!) asian gal !?)


10. TEACHER: fun. cheery. flaky. loves movies. elementary school teacher. did see a movie for 2nd meet up; cost-conscious so saw 1st showing of spider-man 2. (i heart willem dafoe.) on atkins diet. (don't get me started.) a few calls back/forth. flaky. nonresponsive.
    
    (SIDE BAR: both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related.) (moi? ... not-atkins-friendly)
    
    
11. RICH: (that would be his name ... not tax bracket. he is the only one i shall name) he and i are friends. we became friends after agreeing (on the 2nd meet-up) that there wasn't a "vibe" (aka chemistry) between us, but we had lots in common. he lives downtown, loves dessert, likes to hang-out, his respsectful, makes mean martinis, etc... for this friendship alone, i will not slam IJAM. (under other circumstances, i would not show calm restraint.) (moi? ... new friend)


12. EYE-CONTACT MAN: cute. a psychologist. no chemistry.
    
    (and i turned into a babbling fool about my limited knowledge about psychology. i likely was EYE-CONTACT MAN'S equivalent of my BOURGEOIS guy. EYE-CONTACT MAN loved (just loved!) to scuba dive. i don't even like the confined-space feeling of an airplane. .... i so, soooo, sooooooooooo, apologize for the 90-ish minutes i stole from EYE-CONTACT MAN'S life. i apologize deeply.) (moi? ... shoot me)


13. E-BAY MAN: cop. 2 kids. in process of going through a messy divorce. (i didn't realize in-process-of-being-single qualified one for IJAM.) o.k. conversation. i felt like i was E-BAY MAN's rudder ... IJAM threw us together so E-BAY MAN could gauge where i fell on his dating map.)
    
    (SIDE BAR: similar to the TEACHER, both of us being filipino, never got to the point of discussion where we check if we are somehow loosely or directly related. factoid - unlike the loch ness, yeti, or tooth fairy, 6'2" filipino guys exist.) (moi? ... short)
    
    
14. THE EXEC: took phone call ~ 10-minutes into the date. THE EXEC deserves a whole separate post. i MUST HAVE BEEN on some sort of candid-camera-reality-type show. for now, some key words - supervisor, alcoholic, asshole (in no special order)
    
    (SIDE BAR: a definite clue that IJAM didn't give a shit. did i type that? THIS WOULD BE MY THIRD BREAK POINT with them. a moderate rant & rave ... for which i disclosed i would meet-up with him again if i knew (and he knew) he would not be drunk as a skunk or headed that direction. i felt i needed to meet-up with him again - in a controlled & familiar space - to see if a camera crew was lurking!) (moi? ... she didn't hit me or throw a bottle at me!?)
    
    
15. DANCER: he was a biz owner. he was taking different social dance classes (which is cool). he was really nice. i liked him. i wanted to meet-up with him again. we scheduled to meet on a friday for din-din. i had a much, much longer work day than expected & was in a gnarly mood (totally crabby mood); it was horribly raining something fierce. i called him about 2 hours before we were going to meet and asked if we could resched for saturday brunch or dinner. he said "sure" and that he'd call me back on saturday morning. he did not. i called mid-afternoon to check-in. no call back or message or e-Mail. not sure if he is alive.
    
    (SIDE BAR: i had to google. he is still in business. i understand.) (moi? ... flake)
    
    
16. LAST GUY: (aka TURBINE GUY) i was his first IJAM date. he was my last IJAM date. (but at least i had my fav zocalo hand-shaken margarita!) (moi? ... who?)

next installment?
moniker-counseling for a girlfriend who's on a roll!

*(mr. dwinelle's real name? ed.)