BA dating is not so much lately ...

... however, there will be a turn of events.

meanwhile, in the spirit of yesterday's promise to billn for a non-pr5air post, as well as in the spirit of several exchanges with cal gal pal, ice man, sacto floyd, and skateboard dude ... the result, as mentioned yesterday, is a half-baked IJAM-esque tale (recommend you read for context purpose) about my kinda-anemic BA dating with a splash of green a la mode. today's recipe revealed:

• 1/4 t. peeing on a stick
• 1/4 c. #11 asian girls
• 1/2 c. BA dating life
• 1 T IJAM
• 1/2 c. enviro-stuff
• 1 c. napkin life planning
• 1/2 c. apartment therapy
• (optional) 1/4 c. google-stalking
  

[ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: ... and to the former boyfriend, skateboard dude, who (just yesterday) offered up an extremely very blatant offer (with specific examples) to "fix" me of the "dry spell affliction" in the dating department, i thank you for providing me with fodder and inspiration to fulfill my promise to billn.

for whatever reason, you truly believe that last year, at the 80s reunion, when i agreed to temporarily lower my self-respect kiss you because you were freaking badgering me about how i could never have met anyone else who kissed better than you after 20 years and i wanted to get you off my back just wanted to see if i still felt the urge to vomit a spark, ... that my saying it was "awesome" was ACTUALLY THE TRUTH?!?!? honestly you silly, silly, boy. how cute is that?! ... and that you are still the narcissistic man that i remembered as the narcissistic boy? ahhhh!!! because back then, i was too smitten by charm and "flash over substance", i'll admit.

and then just yesterday, your trying to compel me to take you up your offer to "fix" me?! kudos to you for relating why i should revisit an encounter with you for the sake of the environment.

what is it that you said? ... oh yeah! "baby, c'mon. you're green. ya gotta reuse and recycle so you can reduce your dry spell." corny? yes. clever? no. points for trying to stick with a theme? sure, i'll throw you a bone.]

context: a smattering (part 1) of select encounters that lasted longer than a happy hour former boyfriends (or at least interesting dates) identified with occasionally telling affectionate monikers to respect and maintain their anonymity (until you ask me who they were). in other words, given my anemic BA dating life ... WHAT IF i reused or recycled my past encounters/relationships? rather than answer the question, i'll provide the "she said" side for potential landfill options (in no special order) ... that - and a little self-therapy.

"Then again, if you spend your whole day
walking through a landfill all the time,
you might come to the conclusion
that the planet stinks."

(so write-eth ice man)

1. skateboard dude: [a.k.a. the inspiration for this topic]
   more than 20 years ago, in between classes when a friend and i were deciding whether we'd kiss/sleep/touch randomly selected men among the sea of men walking past us in front of dwinelle hall (..."how about him? over there? that one? okay, guy with red backpack? for a second? if you were hammered?"), my friend pointed out skateboard dude, who was flying downhill toward us. i said "no f**king way!" AND of course, several months later, i was crawling surreptitiously under a slow-closing, apartment garage door with his OTHER girlfriend in order to confront him with OUR new found knowledge - that he was two-timing us. D'OH! joke was on us. BONUS of this pseudo-james-bond-ish move? when we knocked on his apartment door and the door opened, it was his THIRD girlfriend. fast forward to the 21st century? look - he pulled that "kiss me" when he was living with a gal. (i know. i played along. his deal, not mine. cold? oh well.) not going there. but we remain friends. pig quotient? 7/10.
   
   
2. meow-meow: living in SD and now married, clearly not on the radar. dated back in '99. however, someone asked "what if meow-meow was on the radar? you guys got along really, really well!" my answer - he fell off the radar after "date" #4 ... awfully charming, funny, and sensitive, he also was an atheist-thumper (think bible-thumper-on-steroids and then flip it over) and a bit too heteroflexible for me. kinda that simple. oh! the moniker? petula-award, 2nd place. pig quotient? 3/10.
   
   
3. purple-pleated-pants (p3): back in the day, some 20+ years ago, p3 was a totally fabulous dancer - a disco dancer, that is. and back then, that was solid gold! turns out ... i was the doppleganger of his ex-gfriend - and i would like to believe i am the 'good' vs. the evil one. the attraction? i don't remember - maybe it was the 7 pleats per pant leg (front & back) and quite the dancer body. fast-forward to the 21st century? my just-this-afternoon, google-stalking may have him as a dance instructor in the BA. pig quotient? dunno. don't remember.
   
   
4. 976-boy!: an accountant by day. a musician by night. i met him on the commuter bus nearly 20 years ago. we got off on the same stop - day-after-day. one day, i decided to sit next to him ('cuz he looked cute; again, that's how i rolled back in the day) and chat it up. a few days later, he was making coconut curry shrimp for me and my roomie. a few weeks later after that, i was waiting for him to get ready to head out to brunch. so while i was sitting around his apartment, i saw (plainly on the coffee table) his phone bill total of $376.43 (or some number like that). it was very close (if not exact) to the phone bill totals i used to have when i dated someone who lived in hawai'i while i was in college in california. of course, i HAD to look at the phone entries out of sheer curiosity - just to see if he was dating someone in hawai'i. (ha!) but i digress. long story short - 976-boy! was completely addicted to 976-porn stuff. wonder what he's doing now that we have the internet? pig quotient? 4/10.
   
   
5. wb#2: already paid homage to him in this smooth skin blog post with a most memorable quote of "mmmm ... look at that asian p***y" - that encounter was actually just last year. with no communications for nearly year and then an e/m from him just this april, i seem to be hovering at the entrance of the landfill, and i seem to stare at him from afar. just being truthful. as i told ice man, "i don't mind a little smut talk, but it's a little disturbing when it appears to be intended to be more of a soliloquy [than a monologue]." petula-award, 1st place. pig quotient? math is hard.
   
   
6. big meat: well, don't make me state the obvious. a former 2-time felon (way before i met him), what a fun guy whom i "dated" earlier in this decade. "dated" is in quotes - as it should be - over a 2 year-ish period and on/off around when the conan o'brien show was on the tube. ('nuff said) i was once reminded by him - "it's not like i'd do anything criminal anymore." i believed him, well, except for his chasing way pain killers (in quantities way more than the prescribed amount as a result of a car accident that he had) with some other drugs of choice (available when it wasn't a totally dry season). during the 2003 christmas season, i received a step #9 phone call. another notable moment? when he flaunted/flailed his attributes while in assless chaps after i had repeatedly thrown-up. i know this is not him, because a friend facebook-stalked him, and he's still living in the socal area. good to know that he won't be featured in intervention. pig quotient? 7/10.

half-a-dozen little IJAM-esque tales should be fulfilling enough of the promise i made to billn. i need to have another reason for a non-pr5air, therefore more later as i think of some other tales.