to my friend ...

... who, after seeing this post, will still continue to be my friend - even if/when i share his gaffes (which i so heart!) with other folks. (well ... it's 'cuz of the anonymous thing, but still ...) so - i can't seem to bring to clarity (yet) to something very near & dear to my heart, something currently going on in my life. so my friend asked me in so many words -

"what are you going to do?"

and then he suggested ...

• cut or fish bait
• can or get off the shit

just a few words of wisdom and advice from my dear friend.

(admittedly, the 1st one - he did say verbatim.
the 2nd one - he said correctly,
but i decided to hear it the way i presented it above.
it's more ... wisdom-y!)

and his nice text message - that ALL FRIENDS can take to heart -

"no matter what you do,
i'll always be in your corner cheering you on."

i love my friends!

r|angst: uhm ... don't doubt it -

- it is for real.
(you, you know who you are.)
do NOT doubt it.

it's just as it says ... DEMAND.

it's true. i f'd up, totally.
got twisted & depressed as a result of the burglary last year.
(thanks, asshats, for stealing the PC with the accounting info. nice touch.
o.k. universe ... i get the message about my paper organization sh**.)

(and then i was expected to pull 2007 together, also?!)
there is that word again ... demand.
still doubting?!
don't.

r|break: tunes while trying to wrap up taxes ...

oh, you! - you taxes!!!
(and my procrastination)
(loquat & new song/video harder hit)

almost.

almost there. almost there.

(as i uncurl from the fetal position
from which my tears gather in the hollow of my neck.)

turns out ...

... if one chooses to suspend one's cell phone service simply because one loses (or misplaces) one's phone in the general area of gates c12-c19 in the phoenix airport, the recorded message on one's cell phone goes something like this:

"the number you have dialed has been changed, disconnected or is no longer in service ... (blah-blah-blah)"

so yeah! i'm actually cell-phone-less. next step? filled out form. hoping phone will be turned in. meanwhile ... i'm surviving. really. i am. i really am. words of encouragement?

Day 4 (after day 3)

it's another carpool-into-work-day.

Quotes for the morning from the barista ...

[context: talking about 8-hour day + commute for d'man]

me: it sucks.
barista: i see crocodile tears on the floor.

day 4 (after day 3)

transitioning ... work for d'man? yes. business owner? also, yes. what does this mean for now? a l'il bit of planned and prioritized sleep deprivation. quite the slow separation anxiety. some clients & vendors not-so-happy, indifferent, or genuinely happy (and sympathetic and/or empathetic. shirlsd also not-so-happy, indifferent, or genuinely happy.

it is what i do for now ... i work for d'man and d'wo-man. it is past midnight. i split shifts, kinda. traditional work hours for d'man. not so traditional work hours for d'wo-man. some time after d'man work, i dine and then nap. then if/when some gnarly dream awakens me coupled with some heart pounding wtf?!, i breathe deeply in an attempt to relax and hit the next shift for d'wo-man.

highlights from day 3 ... carpool in was fun. first staff mtg. cupcakes. met lots more people. found nearby papyrus. called ct with whom i worked some 20 years ago during my first round with d'man (and i'm going to start calling one person a day to say "hey! i'm back!), badge-less, work (doing real work!), lunch sandwich from place called working girl, starting to 'decorate' my cubicle, drafting "blurb 'bout moi" for an all-hands meeting next week (where i'll be introduced), took a break, getting my filing system in place, picked up more stuff related to filling out forms, and ... carpool out was fun.

quote for the day from eg (who has the "removable eye") ...

faux structure